


Say it

by dingodungarees



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angsty bros, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Memories, Sibling Incest, Stancest - Freeform, lazy ausans got the wrong idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 14:43:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5543789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dingodungarees/pseuds/dingodungarees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ford doesn't know how to say those three words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say it

His grip was tight on my shoulders, painful because in addition his eyes were shooting knives right into mine. His mouth was open and set in a scowl, but no words came out. It was odd, all of it. Usually he could never stop talking, about himself, about his money, about the grand niece and nephew I never met until now, about how much he loves me. He loves me, he loves me. I've known this ever since we were on the beach, both of us eight years old, dreaming about the world beyond our New Jersey beaches. When he told the bullies off, when I promised him I would travel the world with him on the Stan o’ War. That’s when he hugged me and that’s when I made a promise I would never keep. But his smile, that tooth never growing back until two years later. I knew he loved me. I knew he loved me when he pulled the scissors out of my hand, the scissors that had already drawn blood on one of my fingers I never asked for, never wanted. When he told me he wouldn’t love me if I were any different than what I was. When he poured punch on his own head and danced with me, laughing as our sticky foreheads pressed together when we danced and he looked at me with those eyes, those eyes. I knew he loved me. I knew he loved me when he broke my project, when dad kicked him out of the house, when I yelled at him. I knew, I knew, I knew. He left and I went to an average college, and years without Stanley is hell. But he sent me letters, never a return address, never a signed name. Always the same goodbye, always the same hello, the contents poetry that I could never write. I remember when he used to kiss me, and I would kiss him back. I remember when he used to say ‘I love you,’ but I had already left the room. When he arrived at my place because of my pregnant response to his letters, I was not there. That wasn’t me. When he punched me, when he threatened to burn away my life’s work, when I pushed him so his back burned and bled, when his face turned to nothing as I was sucked through, I knew he loved me. His grip was tight on my shoulders, his eyes now crying harder than I had ever seen before. My hands were outstretched, unsure of where to place themselves. My mouth started talking without my permission. It had been a week, and I had been watching him, watching him converse with his customers, the locals. “You don’t love me.” I said suddenly, having seen him flirt with everyone of the female species as they walked through my door. I knew I was wrong, I knew he hated that because I was always right. “I don’t love you? Really, Ford? Even after all these years, I still have to tell you? Do I have to write more poetry? Do I have to wait thirty years in order to win your heart back?” His questions kept coming, his voice cracking and slurring, his grip loosening, his head lowering as he shook. My eyes were wide and staring, my mind unsure how to function. “You love that woman from the diner.” I said out of nowhere, my eyes only seeing Lazy Susan and the way Stan laughed, the story Mabel told me about how he tried to get with her. He laughed out loud, and then frowned deeply. “Y’know Lazy Susan thinks that too. Even after all these years, of us bein’ good friends, of anyone being with me, no one ever listens! Do you know how that feels, Sixer? To make things so blatantly obvious? To make things so clear, that you know the other person knows it? I love you, Ford. No best friend of mine will ever change that. I know you love me too, but you don’t have to say it. Please just believe me?” I stood still as a stone, now muttering and cowering from Stanley’s touch. He did love me. I knew that. But I would never say it. I would never respond with the same wor- “I love you too.” I blurted. I couldn’t help it. We were old, so old to even be arguing about a simple thing like this. He looked at me in such surprise, I thought he was going to faint. The kiss that followed was so hard, he bruised my lips. He looked at me with knives in his eyes again and growled, “Don’t lie to me, Ford. Say it again if you mean it. Please say it.” When I crumpled in his arms, those were the only three words I could mutter for the next three days. Stanley never looked happier.

**Author's Note:**

> Please drop a comment if you liked! Thank you!


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